Always the oddball

My testimony is long so I will attempt to be concise.

I was raised with conservative values in a small town.
I had a late rebellion. While my peers were off doing drugs and
committing sins with each other, I was one of the few who stayed out of that
lifestyle. Unfortunately, this restraint didn't last for long.

Always the oddball...I was too old for my age, too young for the world,
artistic, idealistic, inclined toward philosophy and spiritual matters,
living with very down-to-earth people who couldn't care less about
either. My parents gave me a good work ethic and sense of social
responsibility, but, unfortunately, I didn't pick up as much of their pragmatism
as I needed for life on my own. When I finally did leave home, I was
ill-equipped to deal with it.

I never did drugs, but I did drink sometimes. I moved from relationship
to relationship, always seeking acceptance and love. What I didn't
realize then was that the acceptance that I craved was something I could
only get from Christ. I suppose I was lonely. Over the years I had many
relationships, but none of them ever worked out.

My father had deserted us. After college I lived a nightmare with
roomates that turned out to be insane. I worked under the poverty level for
years. Dad had come back to the area, but his alcoholism made him often
unbearable. Eventually, I met someone and we had a child, but my
partner left. Mom died from cancer. The enemy put many things in my way to
stumble me, from ideas to people. I began to feel as if I had no hope.
Nothing ever seemed to work out. As soon as I thought I had something, it
would come to ruin. Why, why, why? What was going on? What was missing?
I finally got the better job. I had tried relationships, world
religions, alcohol. And still, I was miserable.

An old acquaintance of mine began witnessing hard to me. I strenuously
rejected this. I had turned my back on that long ago. Yet, I had the
better job, the better pay, the better hours, had pursued a religion that
agreed with my philosophies, done the whole life thing, pursued my
personal goals, so, why was I still so miserable?

Finally one night, I realized that I just couldn't go it alone anymore.
I was so sick and tired of being sick and tired. So I got down on my
knees in my own living room, and prayed. I said, "God, I don't know what
you want with me, and I really don't care. All I know is that I need
you in my life." I surrended everything I had. At first, I was terrified,
but as I remained in prayer, I came to realize that He accepted me
completely as a person, in spite of the things I had done, he accepted the
person I was.

It still took some doing to get me to go to church. I visited several
before I found the first one that I knew was where God wanted me. He
filled me with His Holy Spirit.

I have never looked back since then, and I still say it is the best
choice I ever made. Some things are still healing, but I have never lived
in that misery ever since. Now I have hope, hope now and hope in the
life to come. There is nothing greater than the love Christ has for us. I
am still the oddball, but God uses my individuality to help others. He
is great in His mercy. I pray that every one of you will find Him.

Testimony submitted to the Breadsite. To submit yours click here.