Love is the Answer -- delivered from Drugs
First of all, a brief story of who I am. I am 51 year old and deaf
woman. I am a divorced mother of three adult children and a grandmother of
8 children. I was not a Christian all my life. When I was a child, my
family took me to a Sunday church once awhile, but I knew nothing about
God or Jesus Christ because of my deafness and also no sign language
interpreting services in the old days. I was married for 16 years, and my
ex-husband and I didn't take any illegal hard drugs, except a joint of
marijuana and some wine once a while on special occassions. My
ex-husband was a Catholic and my children attended parochial school for few
years. Still, I didn't accept to be converted into Catholic because I
disliked that religion. The Father priest and the nuns were unkind to me on
several occassions. That had shocked me and hurt me deeply.
Because of those bad experiences, I didn't believe that Christian
religion and their churches was good for us. I had considered them
hypocrites and fanatics. I was angry about one thing which I hated the most was
their preaching about "Hell." I hated that story, for it had caused
alot of mental anquish for many people and me. I had believed that God
would never forgive me because I committed many wrongs during the 16 year
marriage. I thought I was too "evil" from breaking God's commandments
too much, so I considered myself as "too late." Nobody explained to me
about Jesus Christ's mercy and forgiveness. So I was very fearful of
God's wrath.
My husband and I got divorced in year 1988, for it was a real bad
marriage. It was one of the worst darkest days in my life. The divorce was
ugly and bitter. BUT a most WONDERFUL thing happened...during the days
of deep depression and despair, I woke up one morning and decided to
seek God for forgiveness and help. To make the story short, I had prayed
for the first time and Jesus Christ answered instantly and healed me
completely of all wounds. It was joyous and healing experience which had
changed me at 180 degrees completely into a different person. I was
never the same since then. For two whole months, I was in His Saving Grace
which was like being in joyous and peaceful state. To this day, I still
never forget that powerful moment with Lord Jesus Christ. He showed me
the real meaning of Love. He said "Love is the Answer."
Soon after, I bought the Book and read parts of it, but I was not able
to understand the words in the Bible book. For a beginner, I had picked
a worst page to read. It was Revelation that I first read and it
freaked me out so badly. I was angry and badly frightened. My English skill
was not good at that time, and I had taken the words literally. So I
told myself that I would not ever read that book again. Also I was angry
with its authoritive male view of women and life in the proverbs. So I
didn't read the Book until three years ago. I attended a church maybe
twice and didn't like it. I felt uncomfortable and didn't trust the
church. So I prayed to the Lord and asked Him to show me the path that would
take me closer to Him.
Within couple months, I met a new friend who introduced me into the
New Age. At that time, I had believed that God had answered my prayer. I
was very excited and grateful. so I bought many spiritual books, tarot
cards, and attended American Native teachings/meetings and ceremonies
with the Shamans. I studied and read books everyday. Also was a disciple
of Holy guru from India for three years. There were some stories that
said there were some missing pages in the Bible. That led me to have
suspicions that thousands of years ago the Church could have made up the
"Hell" story to instill fear and to put people under church's power, not
under God's control. Just a man-made doctrine about Hell to control us
was what I believed. I believed that "Hell" was our current troubles
and our sufferings on earth, and adversaries in life. I didn't believe
Satan was real, but yes, I accepted there were some evil "lost" ghosts
walking on earth and mysterious dark force. Yet, despite all those
years of reading many books, studying the different teachings, having
many joyous and spiritual moments, applying the teachings into my daily
life and meditating many hours, I hadn't found a right place that would
bring me closer to God. So I was still searching for the true
teachings.
Alright, now about the drugs. I really want to warn you about the
drugs because of their terrible consequences. I am still suffering from
that to this day! It's been 7 years now.
In year 1997, one year after my youngest child, at age 18, moved away
from home, I started smoking marijuana, known as "pot", and I
eventually smoked it everyday by third year. By then I knew I was addicted to
it, but I was not willing to let it go. I had liked it too much. That was
because it was so pleasurable that I didn't want to stop. I didn't
like the world without the pot, for it felt dull and boring. Also, I had
hard time handling my nervousness, so the pot helped me relax more. My
reasoning was like "Besides, it is not dangerous drug." We, a gang of
friends and I, called it an "Herb." At that time, I was 45 years old.
And most of my women friends were in 30's to 40's. We were living in a
nice and small apartment complex one block away from the beach in Los
Angeles, CA.
In the first 45 years of my life, I didn't touch any dangerous
hallucinatory drugs like Meth, Crack, or Heroin. I was very afraid of them. In
early teen years, I had learned about their dangerous consequences from
the drug education in my junior high school class. Also at age 15,
while hanging out with hippie friends in downtown park, I saw many of them
using drugs, but I didn't touch them and refused to even consider it.
However, temptation did hit me one day when a young long-haired man
offered to me the colorful pills on his hands. I gave in and decided to try
some, but two young women interupted to stop me and told him to get
away. They were protective of me. Then they said that they wanted to show
me something, so I went with them to see one of their friends, a young
man. Half of his face was badly burned caused by tampering with the
electric socket during his drug hallucination. I was horrified at the
sight of his face which was greatly disfigured. Since that day, I s
tayed clear away from the illegal drugs.
However, after smoking pot for three years, my resolve to stay away
from dangerous drugs had weakened. In the fall of 2000, my close
girlfriend, Mary, moved in to stay at my apartment home for a temporary time.
One of the neighbors upstairs started to sell Crack drugs. I had
noticed the increased traffic to his apartment everyday, and I was afraid of
the trouble with the drug users and the law. I told him to stop that
business. I knew him personally. He was a deaf man, Bill at age 27, and
was from Boston. But he was making big money and he liked it too much,
so he refused to stop. He bought many new things, clothes, big TV,
stereo, and new furnitures for his apartment. Ok, after I got back home from
one- month vacation trip, I learned that my best friend, Mary, had
started smoking crack, too. I didn't like that and I was scared for her.
But She told me that it was an awesome high trip. She then offered some
to me. After a little hesitation, I accepted and smoked the crack.
Looking back to that moment, I wished I had listened to that little
"no" voice in my heart, but the curiousity had gotten a hold of me. I
had never heard of the word Crack, so I had no idea of the kind of drug
it was. Also, it was because I believed Mary...what she said about the
crack. How awesome it was.
To make a point about the drug Crack...later in the following years,
in the AA meetings, I had heard this saying often about the drug Crack
from other ex-users. The saying is that "it would grab you so fast
before you'd ever know it." That is the truth. I had seen that happened to
my friends and me. It is horrible addictive drug! Once you smoke it,
you can't stop it until you would either crash or run out of the rocks.
Then you would be going through same thing all over again in the next
day and again in the following days.
That was what happened to me and my friends. I had to make extreme
effort to control it by smoking it only in evenings after work and only
few times a week. But while smoking it, I couldn't stop the need to get
high until the drug was all gone and it was time to get sleep at night.
By fourth week, the craving was bad that I found myself crawling on the
floor, looking for the crack left overs. At that moment, I was acutely
aware of my behavior and I was truly horrified at the change in me and
also at Mary. She had become a full-time user by smoking it 24 hours
every day. She would not have had any sleep for two weeks, and then
she'd crashed down. But then she'd be back smoking it full time again right
next day. It was horrible to see how it had changed her personality,
for she became a different person. A not nice person. I didn't like
her, for her wild talk was full of profanities. That was totally unlike
her. She had called me a "Bitch." And she had never said one bad word
against me in our 18 year of friendship. That is how drugs like
crack could change a person drastically. As for me, I smoked the crack
for one month and half, and then one night I heard God's voice clearly.
He said "Quit it." I obeyed and quit immediately. He had set me free,
for I didn't have any craving for that drug since then. I was so happy
and grateful. But I still didn't stop smoking marijuana.
The drug Crack also hurt our neighbors, for it had killed one of them
with an heart attack. He had just started using it,and he was in his
4o's. Other neighbors were also becoming addicted. At the dealer Bill's
home, there were always crack users, both women and men in age between
20's and 50's, staying there long hours. I saw how they hardly ever
stopped smoking crack. The daily sight of them sitting on the sofa, on the
beds, and on the floors with the drugs and the stink being strong in
the apartment had horrified and saddened me both at same time. After 6
months of drug dealing, the deaf man was evicted from his apartment. That
was during the month after I had quit. I felt sorry for him, being
homeless, so I allowed him to stay the nights at my home for "just a short
time" as long as no selling drugs from my home. However, within 2
weeks, I had to evict both my friend Mary and drug dealer from my home. They
then moved on to the streets and stayed in motels and their friend's
homes. It was like a nightmare for me. I had lost my best friend
of 18 years. It broke my heart that I had to kick her out of my home.
Both she and drug dealer didn't care about me nor about my home, for
they had no respect for me nor about keeping my home clean. They had made
horrendous mess in my home. I learned that is what drug users are like.
All they cared about was the drugs and having fun.
Alright, there is one most important warning that I truly want to tell
you about it. Please keep your mind open and listen to me. Remember
that those drugs like Crack, Heroin, or Meth are dangerous, destructive,
and addictive. They do kill people, destroy our minds, and damage our
health. Also, they destroy and hurts our loved ones and their lives, as
they are victims of our addiction and its consequences. It hurt my
adult children real bad, for the drug had damaged my brain and changed me
personally to a different person, even though I had used it only for
one month and half. Nevertheless, it doesn't matter however long you are
using a drug, it can damage your brain or any of your body organs
without any warning. It had done chemistry changes to my brain that caused
me to "see" and "hear" the spirit people almost all the time. The drug
had also hurt my nervous system. I am still suffering those problems
right now.
Now I want you to hear me for your sake, your future children's sake,
and your family's sake. Those drugs as well as abusing any drug are a
terrible Sin because they open the door to the Evil spirits, Satan, and
Demons. Because the drugs, even the alcohol, are under Evil's domain.
I literally "saw" and experienced the evil spirit beings fully involved
during the period of crack use at my apartment complex. They hung
around the users and also harassed us out of their evil mischief by making
us fearful and paranoid. Also they did things to our mind, encouraging
us to use more drugs every day and making us to need it real bad. I
learned one horrifying truth about those spirits. The reason they hang
around the drug users is that they want the drugs and its pleasures. They
use our pain and fears to force us to escape into drugs again. They,
the evil spirits, want those feelings from the drugs and from us. They
use drugs to get those things from us, to control our minds, and ev
entually to destroy our souls. I saw that some drug users were aware
of the spirit activities but they refused to acknowledge it. They were
afraid. So was I. I was very frightened and I refused to sleep in my
bedroom, for that was where I got the most trouble from evil spirits. They
created faces on the walls and on the wood cabinets. Also everyday my
clothes on the floor or over the chair were shaped into faces. They had
made both mental and physical attacks against me more than others
because they knew that I could see them. They appeared usually in the
evenings until sunrise. So most of the time I slept on the beach during the
days, rather than in my bedroom. Then they were gone after God rescued
me. I was so grateful to be set free from the crack drug. That was one
of the most scary times of my life seeing how the drug crack was
destroying us.
Because of daily fighting in my spiritual war with the demons and
suffering from drug damage, it had gotten so unbearable many times that
made me think about suicide. I was very depressed and mentally exhausted.
I had wanted to die or to have a long sleep, for I was tired of those
evil tormentors.
It was Jesus Christ who rescued me three years ago and
who gave me the salvation through Holy Bible and prayers. He helped me
to be strong and to overcome. A most wonderful and powerful scripture
which helped me alot in my spiritual warfare with the evil spirits was
in 2Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us a spirit of fear but of
power, and of love, and a sound mind." He casted out many Evil spirits, so
my mind is much more normal and better than before. Even, I still do
hear some voices and some mocking voices, but Jesus is helping me
everyday to deal with that. Thank God and Praise the Lord. God wants me to
tell you this warning about the drug's consequences. That they really are Evil,
they belong to the Evil's world because they want to
destroy us with the drugs. That is God's warning to you. He loves you
very much. So please, please do not ever touch those drugs and do not
abuse alcohol. STAY AWAY FROM THEM!
Testimony submitted to the Breadsite. To submit yours click here.